I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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