me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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