Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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