Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wow bdsm is so cute
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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