She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
