I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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