I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
