just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
