on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
