I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
