you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
