Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
