I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
