I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
