Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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