none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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