It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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