My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
