In the future we'll all be gay
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
