oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
