so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
