With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
