took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Farmville is her only friend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize