I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
