I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
