The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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