my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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