xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
