I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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