I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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