I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
