It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
