i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
