Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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