I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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