Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
