i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
