You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
