doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
