Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
