i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Houston, we have a squirter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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