You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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