glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize