Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
