dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
