i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
