so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
