But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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