taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
