I wish I only lived at night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
