I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
