you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
