Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
