u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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