she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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