My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
