dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
