He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
