i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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