Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
