he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
