I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
