I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
