what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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