Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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