I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
