You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
