Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
